I was excited when I found a parking space on the street of downtown Austin at the United States Federal Courthouse building when we were heading in for Karlei\u2019s swearing in ceremony. Gord, (her dad), had to drive to a near-by parking garage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I followed the directions at the parking meter: 1) Type in your license plate number; 2) Put in your credit card; 3) Wait for Validation; 4) Pull out your card. Bada bing, bada boom. Done!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, after the ceremony, when I was back to my car, a parking ticket was on my windshield! Argh! It said I didn\u2019t place the parking receipt on my windshield. I didn\u2019t even see a receipt come out of the meter. I called to explain, but was told they wouldn\u2019t be able to help me until Monday. I needed validation!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And, like that parking spot needing validation, we humans have a need for validation, too. What do I mean by validate? Isn\u2019t that where you get a parking verification stub stamped by a store or restaurant to get out of paying the parking fees?!\u201d That\u2019s one definition! However, I\u2019m talking about the kind of validation where we verify and recognize that a person\u2019s feelings are indeed genuine and show understanding of those feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There have been times in my life when I have been hurt by well-meaning friends or family because they failed to validate my feelings about a situation. They didn\u2019t feel what I felt. Their lack of sensitivity left me wanting. And, by the same token, I\u2019m sure that I wasn\u2019t a good validator to someone who needed TLC and I was too busy or too taken up with my own agenda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The truth is it\u2019s a matter of \u201cdifferent strokes for different folks\u201d. Some people just aren\u2019t empathizers. They are not gifted at seeing through other\u2019s eyes or understanding others\u2019 feelings. There are times when all we need \u2018in this moment\u2019 is to feel understood, to feel someone relating to our frustrations. That is my daughter. She can pack a punch with the wisdom I often receive from her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After I\u2019ve poured my heart out about a situation, she\u2019ll say something wise like: \u201cMom, seek to understand instead of having the need to be understood.\u201d She hit the nail on the head. To be validated or to validate doesn\u2019t mean that we have to agree with others or they have to agree with us. Most of the time people just need to feel heard, not that we agree with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sensitivity to the frustrations and plights of others may look like this:
\u2022 I can see why that would upset you\u2026
\u2022 That\u2019s understandable considering _____\u2026
\u2022 I understand why you\u2019re frustrated\u2026
\u2022 I would feel the same way\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And validation \u201cDon\u2019ts\u201d — don\u2019t minimize others feelings or problems: \u201cThat\u2019s not a big deal\u2026it could be worse\u2026I\u2019m sure it\u2019s not as bad as you think.\u201d
I like my daughter\u2019s quote: \u201cSeek to understand instead of needing to be understood.\u201d This thing of living and loving like Jesus is serious business. Our demeanor, our ability to give others \u201cthe time of day\u201d, our tenderness and empathy is the \u201cdoing what Jesus did and what He would do\u201d in his validating people. I don\u2019t see any place in Jesus\u2019 three years of ministry that He ignored or slighted anyone.
~ He gave the time of day to the Samaritan woman at the well.
~ He healed the woman with the 12 years issue of blood.
~ He went to the home of Jairus, the synagogue leader, and healed his 12-year-old daughter.
~ He touched and healed the lepers.
~ He tenderly took up for the woman who had been caught in adultery.
~ He brought back to life the son of the widow woman.
He validated.
Let\u2019s be validators, too!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA friend loves you all the time, and a brother helps in time of trouble.\u201d Proverbs 17:17<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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