A Hot Mess Because Life Can Be Messy
I have served on faith-based women’s teams and was amused when I heard some of the young women, after a long day of being “mom” to their young family, exclaim “I’m a hot mess!” I’ll admit I didn’t know what that meant but it did seem they were frazzled and welcomed being a part of a faith group where they could “chill” a while. I googled “hot mess”! It’s a state of extreme disarray; disheveled or unbalanced person, particularly one who is nevertheless still attractive! Aw! So I wasn’t too far off when I saw them frazzled and beautiful!
I’m sure I could have said that about myself as a young mom. I dreamed of being the perfect mom and pastor’s wife. I wanted my “two” to be exemplary model children for others. But, they were normal kids who could act up and out just like the others. It perplexed me and I went down to the altar for prayer to be THAT mom and wife who merited the gold-star-winning, woman of the year. An older, wiser woman knelt down beside me, wrapped her loving arms around me and said, “Sweet girl, let go of your need for perfection. God just wants you to “Come as you are” – just keep coming to Him. He will turn what seems to be a mess into a beautiful message for others.” Oh, my! She had “read my mail” and my heart. I felt refreshed and assured that my kids and I were going to be okay – just as we were. Suddenly it seemed attainable to raise a couple of kids, keeping life in order, and everything running smoothly, happy and clean.
But, then I went home and life had its messy moments again. Some days, wife-ing and parenting is just a hot mess. It doesn’t always go as planned. We get tired. When we’ve finally figured out one stage, another begins. We look for someone, like my “church” friend to wrap their arms around us and tell us everything’s gonna’ be alright. “You’re doing a good job.”
We listen to accusing lies that we know are not from God, but play over and over in our minds, “a good mom would never do that, why can’t you get it together, why can’t you be more like…” We start believing it to be the truth. The days seem so long. The ones when you’ve had more than enough of being a chauffeur, or referee between the kids, or hearing “mom” every few seconds. And just when you hear a friend tell you she’s headed with her hubby to a remote island for a week….
You stop and take a deep breath. You look into the eyes of these treasures who call you Mom…who you love more than life itself…and you realize how very blessed you are. And you notice not only the days have gone by, but some years have too. And suddenly you long for it to slow down. The “Aha” moment happens and you realize that maybe you are doing it. Maybe you are living a dream that is the right one for you. And you breathe in God’s grace…again. Because life was never meant to be perfect. Life was just meant to be lived. Hope arises. You let go of those high expectations of perfect bliss somewhere else.
You realize your “hot mess” isn’t really hot at all. It is a place of sweet life words found in the mess of the toys on the floor and fingerprints on the wall. Words of grace, straight from the heart of a joy-filled 5-year-old soul who knows what it is to live and to love. Love God, love your family, love yourself. So simple and so true. “Wherever you go, God goes with you.” (Joshua 1:9) He is in our mess, in our imperfections, in our day to day, in the ordinary, in the times when no one else sees, or knows, or cares. He’s there. With us. Perfect doesn’t matter. It never did. And all the other stuff we stress and worry about, it doesn’t really matter either. But love, it matters. He whispers His words of life and love over you today: “Good job, Mom, I am with you. And, together…..we’re gonna rock this!