Love and Death are Delicately Intertwined
Along with me, my son, and three of my grandsons are in the kitchen and dining area, having great conversation and, of course, silliness abounds with the two younger ones. I speak: “Alexa, play Michael Buble”, and “I’m Going Home” starts to play. My son says “I love that song!” The next song is “You Don’t Know Me” and I grab the youngest grandson and we start to dance, then the 15-year-old cuts in and wants to show me his box step, but then, big 27-year-old brother (my first-born grandson) cuts in and draws me in close – really close. His cologne smells so good, and with his arms wrapped around me, my brain suddenly connects to my sweetheart’s cologne and feeling his arms around me ever so tight and us in a romantic couple’s dance. I start to cry – I mean really, really ugly cry and my grandson pulls me tighter to him and he brings his head in closer to mine. It was if I had time traveled and was again with my Sweetheart cheek-to-cheek, so in love, and showing it on the dance floor. I remember.
Though death pierces our hearts, I am consoled that we will dance again in heaven one day. What is abundantly clear to me is that, more than anything, I am deeply satisfied to have had the opportunity to know and love my husband for so many years. And, his absence makes my love for him even more real. I sent my grandson a text message thanking him for giving me that moment of remembrance which made me think: “I wish we had danced more”. I urged my grandson to dance more with his sweet wife. I think I took too much for granted when my sweetheart was alive. I urge my married friends: “Don’t do that! Don’t take your love for each other – for granted.”
And now, I segue to this day, Ash Wednesday, and the beginning of Lent – the 40 days (46-days period with Sundays) that precede Resurrection Sunday. Remembering. As real as it felt for me to be dancing with my husband again and cherishing the memories we had is what it feels like during these 40 days. Yes, it’s about fasting and drawing closer to God, but, one of my personal favorites is “dancing” with my Savior. I mean placing myself in the moments of my Savior’s life – hearing scriptures that come alive, seeing Jesus as God and Man, reliving His touch to the many who were healed and restored, taking in the moments of awe and wonder as He was interrupted over and over again, but never said “No. I’m too busy” or “I’m too tired”.
I take in His great sacrifice as my Lord in heaven Who came to earth to show us what sacrifice and love is all about. I will spend the next 40 days dancing with Him daily – in my thoughts and actions. The effort and soul-searching is worth it. I will do my best to comprehend how beautiful and precious life truly is. Love is the picture of the whole. In life, we love. In death, we love. Whether we live or die, we forever belong to each other. My Lord and me. My husband and me. And, forever is a long, long time! Oh the delicately intertwined love of lovers.