Controlling What I Can and Cannot

I felt a tug at the edge of my shirt and looked down to identify the perpetrator. He’s black and white with horns that could really hurt if he chose to wallop e.” me with them. His name is Oreo and he has a personality of grit and determination and lets his peers know he’s the boss. I smile at him, and sometimes use my parental voice with him because he’s being way too possessive of his “stuff”. I give him a handful of feed, “Okay, Oreo, here’s a snack.” He gobbles straight from my hand, slobbery and delighted. He is one of five very tame and sometimes ornery goats at the Wuerch ranch.

Later, outside the domain of the longhorn, Vamanos, I toss him some hay over the fence and scoot his bowl of feed under the fence. I imagine the beast on the other side of that fence grabbing the edge of my clothing too. The scene that unfolds in my mind is entirely different. I shiver and salute him with respect as I think: “You stay there and I’ll stay right here!”

In many ways, this is how we define control. We are unafraid of what we believe we can control. The pushy goat. The Facebook posts we have done a thousand times. A conversation with close friends. Saying “No” to the third “Oreo” cookie. But our hearts speed up at the prospect of what we cannot control. The longhorn that swings those 6-feet horns. A recent health diagnosis. The weather and the outdoor wedding that is planned. The success of the fundraiser we are heading up.

Here is what scripture says about control. Proverbs 16:32 “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” I discovered that the only type of control we are given is quite possibly the most challenging. It’s self-control. Yikes! Controlling ourselves is often harder to control than the goat OR the longhorn. Here’s how to explain self-control. We can’t control our friendships, but we can control what kind of friend we will be. We can’t control our marriage but we can control what kind of wife or husband we are. We can’t control our children but we can control what kind of parent we will be. We can’t control our career but we can control the sort of employee we are to our company.

When we actually start living this way, the fear starts to diminish. In other words, taking the next step of obedience is the equivalent of putting the fence between us and the longhorn. What we fear might still be present, but it can no longer smack us with his horns. (And, I know what that feels like! Been there – felt that, and got the bruise!)

The key to self-control is not inward, but upward. Because if God is in us, self-control causes us to be braver, stronger, and wiser than what we ever feared. I read this quote: “If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for weeks.” So let’s start with ourselves. The whole issue of self-control starts with self, so let’s shoulder up and say: “Self, we can do this with God’s help!”