I Just Want a Gold Star

I was in a bit of a funk yesterday. Even though I’ve succeeded at getting quite a few household things done, as well as served in many ways during this time of quarantine, and posted my daily blog, still I’m not satisfied. As the doors for restaurants, businesses, and even my church are starting to open more, I’m self-analyzing myself. Did I read the books I was hoping to read? No. Did I immerse myself into God and His Word more than ever because I had the time to do so? I’m ashamed to say that I really didn’t dive as deep into His open arms as I thought I would have. Do I feel that my blogs really impacted my readers and made a difference in their lives? Not so much!

Suddenly, I have a “moment” when I sense the enemy of my heart is assaulting me. The script goes like this: “You can’t be used by God,” “You’re over-the-hill — you’re done!” “Who do you think you are?” The lies of the enemy are that we can never measure up to God’s “do good” charts. You know the ones in Sunday School – if we memorized that scripture or we brought a friend with us, we’d get a sticky star by our name. Or the charts our parents made for us to do our chores? I want God’s gold star by my name on His “do good” chart.

But then, into my little space, comes the assurance that it isn’t God making me feel inadequate and insecure. It is always the voice of the enemy that deceives, belittles and makes us feel we’re not enough. I look up scriptures and it is clear who accuses us and lies to us: “The devil was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8:44) And, this scripture: “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)

And the icing on the cake was this scripture: “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (1 John 4:4) So, therefore “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) So, take that, Satan!

I have come to know that if we are showing up to serve God, if we are seeking to follow Him, and some-thing or some-one is trying to push us away, then we can be sure it is not God. He is not saying we are disqualified. He’s not hollering “shape up or ship out.” His instruction isn’t, “Come back when you’ve got it together.” Instead His invitation is, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28).