When Humbling Myself is the Last Thing I Want to Do

I was dealing with a complicated situation that led to my feelings being very hurt. It didn’t seem so trivial that I could just forgive and forget and it didn’t make sense to let them off when they knew what they did was wrong and they didn’t even apologize. I know that it’s up to me to forgive them anyway because I know the saying well “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.”

I get amused at how God shows up and speaks to me. My son and I were talking and I was bemoaning my “relationship situation”. I was hoping he would take pity on me and agree that the other person was callous with their actions. But, do you know what that man (my son) said to me – that man that I raised to be a kind, forgiving and loving man said to me? “Mom, read the Prayer of Humility and St. Francis’ prayer “Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.” How dare he? How dare my children put into action what I taught them?

I knew God was speaking to me through those words and I tackled praying about how to make the wrong right and I soon received the answer I needed. I typed a long email to this person. With elaborate detail and CAPITAL letters, I punctuated all their wrongs. I signed it, “With love”…..AND never sent it. It felt good to get it all off my chest. In a matter of days, simple and casual text messaging between the two of us ensued and a sweet apology came with asking for forgiveness.

I had been given words from my son, straight from Heaven Central, and those words, taken to heart, altered the course of what could have been an extended time of estrangement. I took a step back from all the emotion and frustration to sit quietly with Jesus and He untangled the mess for me. Here are some things that happen while sitting quietly with Jesus: We humble ourselves because of He Who is perfect and is perfectly in love with us, despite how many times we have failed Him. In the heat of a mess, the last thing I want to do is get humble. But, I’ve learned I have to step out of the battle and humbly ask God to speak truth to my heart for things to start to make sense. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand that He may lift you up in due time.” 1 Peter 5:6

We can pour our anxious hearts out to Jesus who loves us right where we are, how we are. And because His love comes without judgment, we can feel safe enough to humbly admit we need Jesus to work on us and then truth is revealed. The truth is: We have an enemy, and it’s not each other. Satan’s influence on us and the person offending us is the real culprit. I can’t realize this in the heat of the moment. But in the quiet, I become alert and can gain a strategy for acting in a more self-controlled manner. I can rest assured God will use my conflicts for good. God has a way of making us stronger and more tolerant in our relationships when we humble ourselves enough to receive from Him in the quiet what He wants to teach us through it all.